<\n\n\n\n
Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them. \tLike a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. \n\tThe earth laughs in flowers. \tAfter silence, that which comes closest to expressing the inexpressible is music. \n\tTake a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. \n\tLaughter is the shortest distance between two people. \n\tAnd those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. \n\tTo be perpetually talking sense runs out the mind, as perpetually ploughing and taking crops runs out the land. The mind must be manured, and nonsense is very good for the purpose. \n\tHe who binds to himself a joy \n\tThe music that can deepest reach, \n\tI call architecture frozen music. \n\tWe rarely hear the inward music,but we're all dancing to it nevertheless. \n\tWhen a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. \n\tMusic washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. \n\tTo live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and \n\tMusic was my refuge. I could crawl into the spaces between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. \n\tHeard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter. \n\tThe person who laughs at himself will never cease to be amused. \n\tLaughter is inner jogging. \n\tIn the depth of my soul there is a wordless song. \n\tThose who wish to sing always find a song. \n\tClassical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. \n\tI like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. \tThe most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed. \tHe who sings scares away his woes. \n\tThe notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes — ah, that is where the art resides. \tHUMOR<\/p>\n \tPOLITICAL HUMOR <\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n \tShow me a sane man and I will cure him for you. \tA celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. \n\tI'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. . . and I also know that I'm not blonde. \n\tWe have deep depth.<\/p>\n \tAlways go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.<\/p>\n \tBaseball is 90 percent mental and the other half is physical.<\/p>\n \tWe made too many wrong mistakes.<\/p>\n \tYou can observe a lot by just watching.<\/p>\n \tIt ain't over till it's over. (attributed) \n\tTo me old age is always fifteen years older than I am. \n\tI'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. \n\tPoverty is an anomaly to rich people; it is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. \n\tKarate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. \n\tWhy do people who know the least know it the loudest? \tHe has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty. \n\tShe's okay, if you like talent. \n\tThe t is silent, as in Harlow. \n\tThere must be more to life than having everything. \n\tI've always wanted to be somebody, but now I see I should have been more specific. \n\tI don't want to achieve immortality through my work … I want to achieve it through not dying. \n\tI won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician. \n\tThat's what show business is for – to prove that it's not what you are that counts, it's what they think you are. \n\tI refuse to be intimidated by reality any more. After all, what is reality anyway? Nothin' but a collective hunch. . . I made some studies, and reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. \n\tStand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. \n\tWomen take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo. \n\tTo get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable. \n\tThe most important thing I have learned over the years is the difference \n\tSticking Around<\/p>\n \tToday is only the second day of summer, \n\tFlattery won't hurt you if you don't swallow it. \tReading test<\/p>\n \tAoccdrnig to rsrceeah at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, \n\tWhen I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. \tI don't necessarily agree with everything I say. \n\tA successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. \n\tMany people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. \n\tNow there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution. \n\tGood taste is better than bad taste, but bad taste is better than no taste. \n\tI envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on. \n\tBlack holes are where God divided by zero. \n\tBoys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. \n\tDon't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. \n\tTact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. \n\tWhen you enjoy loving your neighbor it ceases to be a virtue. \n\tExperience is something you don't get until just after you need it. \n\tcrapulent (KRAP-yuh-luhnt) adjective<\/p>\n \t— Sick from excessive drinking or eating.<\/p>\n \t[From Late Latin crapulentus (very drunk), from Latin crapula (drunkenness),from Greek kraipal (hangover, drunkenness).]<\/p>\n \t"A doctor examining one of his more crapulent patients said to him,'Your body is a temple and your congregation is too large.'" Dale Turner; Guarding Our Health Lets Us Better Serve in Role God Intended; The Seattle Times; Apr 26, 2003. \n\tSome people think they are worth a lot of money just because they have it. \n\tEverything is for the eye these days – TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all. \n\tI used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.Then I realized who was telling me this. \n\tTo keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. \n\tHow beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward. \n\tWeather \n\tIt sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money. \n\tYou have a wonderful child. Then, when he's 13, gremlins carry him away and leave in his place a stranger who gives you not a moments peace. \n\tI know how to do anything—I'm a Mom. \n\tAs far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler. \n\tMan is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. \n\tHumor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof. \n\tFlattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it but don't swallow it. \n\tMan is the religious animal. He is the only religious animal that has the true religion — several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. \tLife is all about ass; \t78<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" < Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them. – Louis Armstrong Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. – Langston Hughes The earth laughs in … Continue reading
\n\t– Louis Armstrong<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Langston Hughes<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Ralph Waldo Emerson
\n\twriter and philosopher
\n\t(1803-1882)
\n\t<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Aldous Huxley
\n\t(1894-1963)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
\n\tUS Supreme Court Justice
\n\t(1841-1935)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Victor Borge<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Frederick Nietzsche<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– James Boswell<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\tDoes the winged life destroy
\n\tBut he who kisses the joy as it flies
\n\tLives in eternity's sunrise.
\n\t– William Blake <\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\tAnd cure all ill, is cordial speech.
\n\t– Ralph Waldo Emerson<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
\n\t(1749-1832)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Maulana Jalalu'ddin Rumi<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– George Bernard Shaw
\n\twriter, Nobel laureate
\n\t(1856-1950)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Berthold Auerbach
\n\tGerman novelist
\n\t(1812-1882)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\trefinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy,
\n\tnot, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart;
\n\tto study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions,
\n\thurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious,
\n\tgrow up through the common–this is my symphony.
\n\t– William Henry Channing
\n\tclergyman, reformer
\n\t(1810-1884)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Maya Angelou
\n\tpoet
\n\t(1928- )<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– John Keats
\n\tpoet
\n\t(1795-1821)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– unknown<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Norman Cousins
\n\teditor and author
\n\t(1915-1990)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Kahlil Gibran<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Swedish proverb<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Kin Hubbard<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\tFantasy is a necessary ingredient in living,
\n\tIt's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.
\n\tWhich is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
\n\t– Dr. Seuss<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– unknown<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Miguel de Cervantes
\n\tnovelist
\n\t(1547-1616)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Artur Schnabel, pianist
\n\t(1882-1951)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Carl Gustav Jung
\n\t(1875-1961)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Fred Allen<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Dolly Parton<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Yogi Berra<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Bernard Mannes Baruch
\n\tquoted in Newsweek
\n\t(on his 85th birthday)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Frank Lloyd Wright
\n\t(1868-1959)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Walter Bagehot<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Dave Berry<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– unknown<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Sam Houston<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Rosalind Russell<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Margo Asquith<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Maurice Sendak<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Jane Wagner<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Woody Allen<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Mary Feldman<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Andy Warhol<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Jane Wagner<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Fran Lebowitz<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– unknown<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Oscar Wilde<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\tbetween taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously.
\n\tThe first is imperative, and the second disastrous.
\n\t– Margaret Fontey<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\tAnd already I am a Humid-Being.
\n\tMy clothes are sticking to me, and I am sticking to my clothes,
\n\tAnd my clothes and I are both sticking to the seats and grass,
\n\tAnd just about everything is sticking to everything else,
\n\tBecause the summer season is finally here again.
\n\tWell, I guess I better be sticking a popsicle in my mouth
\n\tAnd then sticking myself into a pool.
\n\tAaaahhhhhh…
\n\tSummer's sticking around for a few months, and that's okay!
\n\t– Mattie J.T. Stepanek
\n\t(1990-2004)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Kin Hubbard
\n\thumorist
\n\t(1868-1930)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\tit deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a
\n\twrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the
\n\tfrist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The
\n\trset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed
\n\tit wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn
\n\tmnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but
\n\tthe wrod as a wlohe. Petrty amzanig, huh?<\/p>\n
\n\t– Rita Rudner
\n\tcomedienne
\n\t(1955- )
\n\t<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Marshall McLuhan
\n\tcultural historian and communications theorist
\n\t(1911-1980)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Lana Turner
\n\tactress
\n\t(1921-1995)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– unknown<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Jay Leno<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Arnold Bennett
\n\tin Evening Standard<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Oscar Levant
\n\tcomposer
\n\t(1906-1972)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Steven Wright
\n\tcomedian
\n\t(1955)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Kin Hubbard<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Kin Hubbard<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Abraham Lincoln<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Kahlil Gibran
\n\tmystic, poet, and artist
\n\t(1883-1931)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – unknown<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – From: Wordsmith
\n\twww.wordsmith.org<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Fannie Hurst
\n\t writer
\n\t(1889-1968)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Fred Allen<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Emo Phillips
\n\tcomedian, actor
\n\t(1956)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Ogden Nash
\n\t author
\n\t(1902-1971)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Spanish proverb<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\tPeople, freezing, long to burn up.
\n\tBurning up, they long to freeze.
\n\tNo wonder weather's temperamental.
\n\tPeople are so hard to please.
\n\t – unknown<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Elinor Goulding Smith
\n\t(1917-1978) <\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Jill Eikenberry
\n\tAmerican actress
\n\t(1947- )<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Roseanne Barr
\n\tAmerican actress and comedian
\n\t(1952)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Calvin Trillin, writer (1935)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Wernher von Braun, rocket engineer
\n\t(1912-1977)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t– Stephen Leacock, economist and
\n\thumorist (1869-1944)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Hank Ketcham, comic artist
\n\t(1920-2001)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\t – Mark Twain, author and humorist
\n\t(1835-1910)<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n\tYou're either covering it,
\n\tLaughing it off,
\n\tKicking it,
\n\tKissing it,
\n\tBusting it,
\n\tTrying to get a piece of it
\n\tBehaving like one,
\n\tOr you live with one!!!<\/p>\n