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Divine Humor: (Well, slightly less than divine)
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\n\tThank goodness for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service.<\/p>\n
\tBertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in
\n\tRacine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. <\/p>\n
\t"The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals." <\/p>\n
\t"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."<\/p>\n
\tThe peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. <\/p>\n
\tThe sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water"
\n\tThe sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus" <\/p>\n
\tNext Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. <\/p>\n
\tBarbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.<\/p>\n
\tThe Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy." <\/p>\n
\tDon't let worry kill you off — let the Church help. <\/p>\n
\tIrving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.<\/p>\n
\tA bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. <\/p>\n
\tAt the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.<\/p>\n
\tEight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.<\/p>\n
\tThe senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. <\/p>\n
\tScouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.<\/p>\n
\tFor those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nurse downstairs. <\/p>\n
\tPlease place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered. <\/p>\n
\tAttend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. <\/p>\n
\tThe church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility. <\/p>\n
\tPotluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM. Prayer and medication to follow. <\/p>\n
\tThe ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.<\/p>\n
\tThis evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.<\/p>\n
\tLadies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
\n\tFellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. <\/p>\n
\tThe pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.<\/p>\n
\tLow Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. <\/p>\n
\tThe eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.<\/p>\n
\tWeight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.<\/p>\n
\tThe Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours."<\/p>\n
\t*****
\n\tCourtesy of MICHAEL SONLIGHT<\/p>\n
\n\tLarry Morningstar
\n\tmana7@opendoor.com
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\n\t*:-.,_,.-:*'“' Divine Humor eMail List '“'*:-.,_,.-:*
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\n\tLaughter is healing for the soul.<\/p>\n
\tFunny stories, jokes, riddles, connundrums.
\n\tNot your run of the mill stuff.
\n\tLow Volume: usually once a week or less.
\n\tTo subscribe to this list:
\n\tjust send a message with the words:
\n\t"subscribe: Divine Humor eMail List"
\n\tto: mana7@opendoor.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
< Divine Humor: (Well, slightly less than divine) Thank goodness for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight … Continue reading