Friday, June 9, 2001
Jay: Welcome back. Alicia Silverstone is on her way out. [snip]
Jay: All right. You know my first guest from movies like Clueless, Batman and Robin and Love’s Labour’s Lost. She is now producing and doing one of the voices for a new animated TV show called Braceface which is on the Fox Family Channel. Please welcome Alicia Silverstone.
[audience applauds] [band plays theme music from Braceface]
Jay: Hey, you look great! Good to see you again!
Alicia: You too!
Jay: You’re looking very *natural*!
Alicia: Thank you.
Jay: I know you’re like a natural person, right? Like you’re gardening all the time. You grow your own vegetables.
Jay: How’s that going? Okay?
Alicia: It’s so good. Just recently I discovered that I was sitting on a gold mine.
Jay: Sitting on a gold mine. Now what, you found oil in your backyard? What happened?
Alicia: No, I found dog poop! [audience laughs]
Jay: Dog poop in the backyard?
Alicia: Yeah! All this time I had–well I have this geological problem and I couldn’t figure out what to do about it. My hill was all sliding down and stuff. And this guy came out and he was like “You don’t have a geological problem–you have some other kind of problem”; and he left.
Jay: Wait. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Okay, your house is about to slide down the hill. Who told you, you had a geological problem? Like did scientists–
Alicia: It’s too convoluted. I don’t really know who–somehow we knew that the hill was falling down. I mean, we could see it was falling down.
Jay: You see parts of the hill that used to be at the top, at the bottom of the hill. [audience laughs]
Jay: Okay. That’s a sign! [Alicia laughs]. Okay.
Alicia: And then–well finally what we did was we called in our hippie friends. They’re these raw hippies. And they drive like a solar bus.
Jay: What is a “solar bus”?
Alicia: It’s run–well–they’re using “good fuel” as opposed to–
Jay: Now what would that be? I’m curious.
Alicia: Well you can use hemp fuel.
Jay: Hemp fuel?
Jay: That’s how Kev gets around. [reference to Kevin Eubanks, Jay’s band leader]
Alicia: Yeah. [audience laughter] [Kevin laughs]
Jay: What does that mean? So you have marijuana — that’s not a bus you want to be behind in traffic.
Alicia: There’s no marijuana involved.
Jay: Oh, I see.
Alicia: Just hemp.
Jay: Now how does it run on hemp?
Alicia: Well it’s the oil. All these oils are really good oils. Or you can use vegetable oil — as opposed to destroying the planet using the other kind of oil.
Jay: Oh. All right. Okay.
Alicia: So, anyway, they’ve got this little bus. And it’s, like, a really, really environmentally great bus. And they’re these really cool people. And they’re raw. They only eat raw food.
Jay: Only raw food?
Alicia: Vegan raw food.
Jay: So, like, they would eat a cow live, you mean?
Alicia: No! Vegan raw food. [audience laughs]
Jay: Oh, vegan raw food. Oh, so they don’t cook the vegetables.
Alicia: Yeah, exactly.
Jay: Why? What’s wrong with — you’re not hurting — [in small voice] “help me!”; It’s not like the vegetables — [audience laughter]
Alicia: No, no, no. This is like a purely — you’d have to get them on to describe it to you. But it’s really like — it’s like a really — people have, like, “de-aged” themselves by being raw.
Alicia: You know what I mean? Like, there’s this woman in Chicago. She’s, like, 60, and she looks like she’s about 35.
Jay: Joan Collins!
Alicia: Not here.
Jay: Oh. [audience laughs] [Alicia laughs]. Wait, wait. Go back to the dog poop.
Alicia: Okay, the dog poop–
Jay: Okay so you have a hill that’s filled with dog poop. And this has saved your house from falling.
Alicia: Yes– no, I had dog poop everywhere and I was like “Well how do I do it” and it’s annoying–you have to pick it up when people come over because there’s poop everywhere.
Alicia: So finally I realized–
Jay: Don’t have anybody over. Just live in the dog poop! [Alicia laughs]. All right. Go ahead.
Alicia: So finally I had these raw hippies come over and they helped me to make shelves and make compost. So you take the dog poop and throw it onto one of the shelves and–
Jay: These are shelves in your house? You mean bookshelves? [Alicia laughs]
Alicia: No they’re in the garden.
Jay: You mean outside. Oh, in the garden.
Alicia: See you’re taking the hill. You’re recycling–like we went and picked up wood that was just left on the street that people were throwing away.
Alicia: Take that wood and put planks in front of it. Now you’ve got a shelf. So the hill can’t fall down because it’s–you know what I mean? It’s got like shelves going down.
Jay: Yeah, okay.
Alicia: Okay. So anyway, you take those shelves and inside of them at the top of the shelf you put a whole bunch of dog poop and every time you eat a banana or like–you’re making mangos or passion fruit–the skins or the pits–you throw it into the compost so it’s all mixing together. The pits, the skins, the dog poop.
Jay: Do you have like a toilet in your house or do you just go out and squat when you –[audience laughter]
Alicia: Sometimes if I can’t make it–
Jay: Do you just squat on your hill? [audience laughs]
Alicia: If I can’t make it I do.
Jay: Eliminate the middleman!
Alicia: Exactly! Anyways, the point is–
Jay: Now these are not hippies, these apparently are Neanderthals that have come to your home. [audience laughs]
Alicia: It’s very cool. [Jay laughs]. The greatest thing is now there’s all these beautiful wildflowers and beautiful fruits and vegetables, I didn’t even plant!
Jay: And it’s got to smell terrific! [audience laughs]
Alicia: It smells good.
Jay: Now what do your neighbors think when they see you collecting feces and piling it up on your hill? I mean–
Alicia: Well they’re happy because before it was like, the smell would get yucky with the heat, you know. But now when you’re covering it with all these peels and pits and leaves, it’s just wonderful.
Jay: Okay. All right.
Alicia: So I highly recommend it!
Jay: Now what were we talking about before? Oh, yeah. About you having a messy face. You know what I’m talking about?
Alicia: Oh well, you know, because I do the show Braceface and everybody keeps saying “Well, how do you relate to the 12-year-old?” and I’m like “Well –”
Jay: It’s about a girl that has braces and people make fun of her, is that what the show–
Alicia: Yeah, everybody is calling her Braceface, making fun of her constantly. She’s sort of a geeky, awkward girl and she gets braces which like destroy her life, because you know, she’s already geeky enough as it is. She doesn’t need *braces* to, you know–
Alicia: And so it’s just all about what all the angst and stuff that goes on at that age. And um, what was the point? Oh about–
Jay: Oh, yeah! Yeah. [Alicia laughs]. You said when your face is messy–
Alicia: Right! Oh, so they’re just saying “How do you relate to this 12-year-old?” And I’m like “I still feel 12” and, you know, people are always telling me, you know, “You’ve got stuff on your face.” And like, who cares? Cause I don’t really–I eat, it goes everywhere. It’s like all over my shirt. It’s all over my face. Sometimes I have green paint all over me!
Jay: Okay. Okay, so let’s backtrack. We don’t pick up animal waste, we have stuff all over our face!
Alicia: I pick it up. I just move it to a more–
Alicia: You know–proper spot.
Jay: So if you have food all over your face, you leave it there and it composts on you [audience laughs]
Alicia: Well then I just learned–my friend was just–
Jay: Just pack your cheeks with stuff, and it composts?
Alicia: Well, I think that–actually, one of my friends who’s very, you know, good at this stuff and very environmental–Laura–she was just telling me–she was talking to her little vegan children, saying to them, “clean your–”
Jay: She has vegan children? [audience laughs]
Alicia: Yes! They’re the coolest kids!
Jay: Now I knew some people–now, this is true. This sounds like it’s made up. But when I was–like, macrobiotics was the hip thing when I was a kid. Like, when I was in college. And I knew some people who had a kid. And the kid was 4 years old and couldn’t stand up. Literally. And they took it to the doctor. Said, “You know, a macrobiotic diet is not good for children. It’s okay for adults, but a kid needs protein.”
Alicia: Okay, I don’t know about that.
Jay: Well — the kid couldn’t stand up.
Alicia: But it’s like, you know, a scientifically proven fact that, if you eat a vegan diet–
Jay: Even from–
Alicia: Even from birth.
Jay: Now, how about animals? You have dogs.
Alicia: They’re the healthiest children. My dogs are all vegan.
Jay: Now, what do they eat? — soy burgers?
Alicia: They eat greens, broccoli. If ever you’re cooking broccoli, just throw the broccoli on the floor.
Jay: How do you get your dog to eat broccoli?
Alicia: They love it!
Jay: I can’t get my dog to eat filet [audience laughter]
Alicia: Well, then–that’s not good for them.
Jay: You think your dog would eat broccoli, really?
Alicia: Yes! They eat broccoli, tomatoes, bananas, avocados. My dogs are fat from eating avocados.
Alicia: Yeah. I’m telling you.
Jay: And then they go on the hill and then that goes back–[audience laughs]
Alicia: It’s cheaper–it’s cheaper, healthier–
Jay: How many dogs do you have?
Alicia: Well, I have quite a few.
Jay: How many? Tell me.
Alicia: I can’t! [laughs]
Jay: You’re not allowed to say?
Jay: You have more dogs than you are allowed to have.
Alicia: No, I have three dogs.
Jay: You have three dogs–and then many strays. [Alicia laughs]. You’re like that guy in Utah with all the wives! All right. [audience laughs].
Alicia: Yes. [laughs]
Jay: Now this is some of your cartoon. You do the voice for this?
Jay: All right. Let’s take a look at your cartoon. This is Braceface. Oh, is that you?
Jay: Is that supposed to be you?
Alicia: Sharon Spitz.
Jay: That’s Sharon Spitz. Lets take a look. [clip of Braceface shown] [audience applauds]
Jay: Well that’s good!
Alicia: Yeah. It’s like the–It’s the number one show–Fox Family–like the [highest] ratings–they’ve ever had!
Jay: Yeah. Well that’s nice. You’ve done a nice thing. Well that sounds like–you know, you and I should go out for steaks some night. We’ll go out and have a nice steak dinner. [audience laughs]. We’ll take my ’59 Cadillac, we’ll go for steaks.
Alicia: That would be great. I’d actually enjoy that. Because I could tell you about why it’s so bad the whole time.
Jay: Really? Okay, we’ll do that sometime. [audience laughs] [Alicia laughs] Alicia, thank you very much.
Alicia: Thank you! [audience applauds]
Jay: Alicia Silverstone. Be right back with Mick Foley right after this–